What Is DARVO? Meaning, Examples and How to Respond
DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It describes a way some people react when confronted about harmful behavior: they deny it, attack the person raising it, and then cast themselves as the real victim. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd introduced the term in 1997.
DARVO Meaning: The Three Steps
Deny
The behavior didn't happen, or it wasn't a big deal. "That never happened." "You're remembering it wrong."
Attack
The focus shifts to the person raising the concern: their credibility, character or motives. "You're so dramatic." "You just want attention."
Reverse Victim and Offender
The person who caused harm now presents as the one being harmed, and the person who was hurt is recast as the aggressor. "I can't believe you'd accuse me of that. You're the one who's abusive."
Freyd introduced DARVO while studying betrayal trauma, originally to describe how perpetrators of abuse respond when held accountable. Research since then has found that DARVO can make observers see the real victim as less believable and more to blame.
What DARVO Can Sound Like in a Relationship
| You say | A DARVO response |
|---|---|
| "It hurt when you yelled at me in front of your friends." | "I didn't yell. You always twist things. Honestly, the way you're attacking me right now is hurting me." |
| "I saw the messages on your phone." | "You went through my phone? That's a huge violation. I can't trust you at all." |
| "I don't feel safe when you throw things." | "I barely touched it. You're trying to make me look like a monster, and that's abusive." |
One defensive moment isn't necessarily DARVO; most people get defensive sometimes. The pattern is when every attempt to raise a concern ends with you apologizing.
Why DARVO Is So Effective
- It moves the conversation off the original issue.
- It makes the person raising concerns doubt their own memory.
- It can persuade friends, family or others that the accuser is the problem.
- It often ends with the hurt person comforting the one who hurt them.
DARVO often appears alongside gaslighting (making someone doubt their perception of reality).
Where DARVO Shows Up
DARVO is most often discussed in the context of abusive relationships, but the same pattern appears in families, friendships, workplaces and institutions. A manager who is confronted about harassment may deny it, question the employee's performance, and then claim to be the target of a smear campaign. Public figures sometimes respond to accusations the same way. Recognizing DARVO in these settings helps people focus on the original concern instead of the counterattack.
What DARVO Is Not
Disagreeing with how an event is described isn't automatically DARVO, and neither is setting a boundary about how you're spoken to. The term is most useful for a repeated pattern of denial, attack and role reversal in response to legitimate concerns, not for any argument where someone defends themselves.
How to Respond to DARVO
- Name the original issue again, briefly. "I'm not attacking you. I'm talking about what happened on Saturday."
- Don't defend your character. Getting pulled into proving you're not "the abusive one" is the reversal working.
- Write things down. Notes made at the time help when your memory is questioned.
- Talk to someone outside the relationship. A trusted friend or therapist can help you check your perception.
- Prioritize safety. If DARVO comes with threats, intimidation or violence, focus on getting safe first.
Getting Help
If you are in the U.S. and experiencing abuse, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788). In an emergency, call 911 or your local emergency number.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does DARVO stand for?
Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.
Who coined the term DARVO?
Psychologist Jennifer J. Freyd, in a 1997 publication on betrayal trauma.
Is DARVO the same as gaslighting?
They overlap but aren't the same. Gaslighting is making someone doubt their perception of reality. DARVO is a specific three-part response to being confronted, which often includes gaslighting in the "deny" step.
Can DARVO happen unintentionally?
Some people fall into defensive patterns without planning them. Intent matters less than the effect: if raising any concern always ends with you being blamed, the pattern needs addressing.
Sources
- Freyd, J. J. (1997). Violations of power, adaptive blindness, and betrayal trauma theory. Feminism & Psychology, 7(1), 22–32.
- Harsey, S., & Freyd, J. J. (2020). Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender (DARVO): What is the influence on perceived perpetrator and victim credibility? Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 29(8). doi:10.1080/10926771.2020.1774695
- Jennifer J. Freyd: DARVO.